If I Were the Devil . .

Paul Harvey's speech was broadcast by himself, none other than the legendary (And Long-lived and Prosperous, awarded MEDAL by President Bush) ABC Radio commentator Paul Harvey on  April 3, 1965:

If I were the Devil . . .

I mean, if I were the Prince of Darkness,
I would of course, want to engulf the whole earth in darkness.
I would have a third of its real estate and four-fifths of its population,
but I would not be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree,

so I should set about however necessary to take over the United States.

I would begin with a campaign of whispers. With the wisdom of a serpent,

I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve: “Do as you please.” “Do as you please.”  

To the young, I would whisper, “The Bible is a myth.”

I would convince them that man created God instead of the other way around.

I would confide that what is bad is good, and what is good is “square”.  (Be Hellishly Angelic, Goody Two Shoes Is Not Cool!)

In the ears of the young marrieds,

I would whisper that work is debasing, that

cocktail parties are good for you. (And the US Supreme Court,too!)

I would caution them not to be extreme in religion, in patriotism, in moral conduct. (Go ahead, be a bamboo, this was, that way, as the wind blows!)

And the old, I would teach to pray. I would teach them to say after me: “Our Father, which art in Washington” . . .

If I were the devil, I’d educate authors in how to make lurid literature exciting so that anything else would appear dull an uninteresting.

I’d threaten T.V. with dirtier movies and vice versa.

And then, if I were the devil, I’d get organized.

I’d infiltrate unions and urge more loafing

and less work, because idle hands usually work for me.

I’d peddle narcotics to whom I could. I’d sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction.
(PSSSST! Trying to score? I Got...But Hey, Ya Can't Legalize Morality...The Mob Will Sell the Booze Then!)

And I’d tranquilize the rest with pills. (Designer Drugs Stay One Step Ahead of the Law and Get a Prescription,"Doctor, Please...some more of these...What a drag it is getting...sober!)

If I were the devil, I would encourage schools to refine young intellects but neglect to discipline emotions . . . (All You Need Is ...Emotions, I FEEL Yo Pine! er... Yer PAIN!)

let those (Let Those Emotions Run WILD,EMO! Let's Go To A Rave!) run wild.

I would designate an athiest to front for me before the highest courts in the land and I would get preachers to say “she’s right.” (Now Who Could Be That SPECIAL?)

With flattery and promises of power, I could get the courts to rule what I construe as against God and in favor of pornography, and  thus,
(Hey, The Lawyers and Judges Say Porn Is FREE SPEECH!)

 I would evict God from the courthouse, and then from the school house, (In the 1960s)

and then from the houses of Congress and then, (Hold Your Breath For This One.)

in His own churches I would substitute psychology for religion, (And You Know Who You Are!)

and I would deify science because that way men would become smart enough to create super weapons but not wise enough to control them.(Like those Wise Guys Were on "Planet Krypton" Climata Change Is Going To GET YOU! Buy Carbon Credits I'm Creating Out of Thin Air!)

If I were Satan, I’d make the symbol of Easter an egg, (From the Pagan Fertility Spring Rite)

and the symbol of Christmas, a bottle. (See Cute L'il Booze Ads at Chrismas and Hannakah Time!)

If  I were the devil, I would take from those who have

and I would give to those who wanted, until (See 54,000 page IRS Manual)

I had killed the incentive of the ambitious. (To Work hard, Do Over-time and Get Ahead)

And then, my police state would force everybody back to work. (2016?)

Then, I could separate families, putting children in uniform, (Got Village? 'Cus , It Takes a Village!)

women in coal mines, and objectors in slave camps. (Got Gulag? Do Got FEMA Camps...)

In other words, if I were Satan, I’d just keep on doing what he’s doing.

Paul Harvey, Good Day.